Satellite Dishes, Cats and Disco.

[QUINNY]

Our good friend Forrrce suggested we should seize the day and put this up for discussion, so here goes.

As anyone knows the link between the three is slipperyness, or lack of it.

There are countless people who've slipped the satellite installation guy £50 to get the best dish and latest box only to find out that the TV company offered the next step up at only £30 the very next week. Thus making satellite installation guys possibly the most slippery people on the planet after solicitors (lawyers) and estate agents (realtors). Also the shape of the satellite dish was so designed to allow water and snow to merely slip off when precipitation occurs, thus ensuring trouble free viewing for the smug bastard who'd just had the dish installed, in an attempt to go one up on the neighbours (in the early days anyhow).
It is well known that cats slip on their paws when they walk or run, unlike the rest of the world who rely on friction to perambulate. This gliding motion is just one reason why cats are the most loveable pets in the world, especially when their owners pick 'em up by their front quarters and disco dance around the room with them. Anyone with arthritis is automatically sent into a state of nirvana when they realise that the cat's slipperyness, temporarily obviates their pain and suffering and disco dancing with the cat (especially whilst under the influence of pain killing cannabis) makes them feel 30 years younger. If only their owners thought about taking cannabis for pain relief, both cat and owner could be absolutely euphoric in their new found, joint slipperyness.

Now, not many cats ever get to dance in discos (although I had a sheep's head once), but if they did, they'd notice that their slipperyness would instantly disappear, due to the disco dance floor's mandatory non slipperyness. This is not due to the management's caring attitude towards their punters, or simply because the floor is roughly hewn wood, but a result of thousands of satellite engineers dancing with a fag (cigarette) in one hand, a pint of wallop (beer) in the other and through the course of girating to their favourite disco toons, spilling most of the contents onto said disco dance floor. Of course, it must be said that discos are overpopulated with satellite engineers 'cos of all the back handers they've received for the latest dishes and set top boxes they've slipped through.

If anyone knows any different, please feel free to add your experiences.

[Forrrce]

******Ladies and gentlemen, Jeffrey Bernard is alive and well!******

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[QUINNY]

Forrrce: Shouldn't that be " unwel l" or " 'um, well "?

[Forrrce]

Unwell? You're right, Quinny. And I maintain, you needs your own corner on this forum...

[Forrrce]

I'm just working out how to compose a similar synopsis, replacing satellite TV salesmen with central heating engineers :roll: but it's too early in the day for me.

Another thing, Quinny - you are joking about the sheep's head. Right?

[QUINNY]

No Forrrce, I'm absolutely serious about the sheep's head.

It was 1976 or '77 I can't remember, in Mallorca.

This young rather rich French guy came to the disco where I was DJ and started making loud noises when I told him that I didn't play Punk records (he'd obviously been to the Chris hill gigs at the Lacey Lady?). You see, Punk had just begun to explode in France and ever wanting to be seen as a hip young dude, he thought pogoing and Punk were his short cut to acceptance and instant kudos.
To cut a long story short, his protestations got more and more absurd until on the last night of his 2 week long holiday, he arrived early with a skinned sheep's head attached to a small chain and proceeded to dance with it on the friggin' dance floor. This he did all night (sad so in so eh?) and no-one took the faintest offence from it or gave him much time, because of it. He certainly didn't get laid that holiday.