The sad loss of my diva friend

[discokicks]

I wasn't sure where to post this or whether to even write about a current huge loss in my personal life but I figured that expressing this to my fellow music lovers might bring me a bit of solace.

My very dear, longtime friend Lori passed away last Tuesday evening after her year-long fight with ovarian cancer. Many gay men can relate to who she was to me....she was my token straight female friend who I bonded with back in the 80s after just coming out. We were both in our early 20s then...alive with young exhuberance and excitedly fascinated at our similar outlooks towards life, music, romance and men.

We shared thoughts, hopes and dreams. We danced and partied hard and were each other's rock when we hurt and lost at love. In simpler terms, she was my "Grace" and we continued to be friends for the next 25 years. We had drifted apart at times over the last few years as our paths took different turns and bends. She had finally met herself that straight man to live out her dream of a loving home, kids and neighbourhood get-togethers and dramas but we stayed in touch and would occasionally get together for a couple cocktails when she needed a break from her home life.

Our bond was music. She had this exceptional singing voice and those within my local area at that time were drawn to her incredibly vivacious personality. We began experimenting with various instrumentals in early '84. The first song that we taped was her vocals against the instrumental to Hazell Dean's Evergreen. I started mixing this version in on my nights which met with gained approval from my dancefloor as everyone became excitedly aware of our local "diva".

With my talents as a dj, I began a continual search for interesting instrumentals to match her voice and together we entertained and supported many successful AIDS and gay-related fundraisers throughout the 80s and into the 90s. We always closed out our shows with her Labelle-esque rendition of Over The Rainbow using Papa John Creach's sensational instrumental. Gay men and lesbians loved her because she was so easy to love and at every show there were cries of "sing Rainbow".

We were like Manilow and Midler except I was behind turntables and a tapedeck instead of a piano. Lori always laughed about the fact that we were karaoke before karaoke was cool. She depended on me to compile the shows and often relied on me when she forgot the words during her performance...:icon_lol:...and we always had a laugh when she hit a sour note ("oh good one Lori"). She was the life of every party and also had a knack for spotting the lone straight guy in the crowd and managing to get into his pants. :icon_cool:

Lori's funeral, as predicted, was well attended. I made her very appropriate memorial cards and we ran out of them (about 200) so I had promised those who didn't get one to make more. She taught at a beauty school which closed for the day so staff and students could attend. How comforting it was to see all these vibrant, funky young women walk in draped with coloured feathered boas...a fitting tribute to their beloved teacher Miss C !

The funeral involved music and a choir. They miraculously captured Lori's voice singing a hymn on tape a couple months ago (despite her weak body) and with the choir as backup, broadcasted her voice over the speakers for all to hear. The moment I heard her beautiful voice again, I was overcome with great emotion....her voice always could bring me to tears.

I'm left with those immensely great times of us together and weak with sadness. She was that one person who truly felt music the way I do and was very much my number one fan during my dj career. I am grateful that she wandered into my young life at that time and her death has filled me with much emptiness. She was also an important component through all of our local AIDS awareness and struggles. :icon_cry: I hope you don't mind me sharing this loss with you.

[kdavid13]

I'm so sorry for your loss.You have my deepest sympathy.
:icon_sad:

May your memories comfort you.

Hugs

[discokicks]

Thank you Kris. :icon_sad:

Thankfully I have some of her music recorded on tape that I'll be transferring to cd to give to her relatives and close friends.

[Videoskooter]

Very touching post, my condolences.

Cherish the many great moments you had with her and remember her as the caring and lovable person she was.

Take care,

Johan

[Bernie]

DiscoKicks,

Please accept my condolences on the passing of your friend. It is never an easy thing to deal with the loss of such a good friend, but you will always have the memories that can't be taken away. Always remember the good. Be well and know that the members here do care about you.

[markydefad]

Discokicks,

So sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. Your tribute to her was very moving and I hope you found some solace in writing it.

My heartfelt sympathy to you on your loss.

Mark

[discokicks]

Thank you Johan and Mark...and thanks Bernie for having this outlet for us to share our memories.

Going thru some tapes that I have of her songs today, I didn't realize that I have her singing My Way....can you believe that? Of all friggin' songs and I didn't know I had it 'til today.

[STEPHEN L FREEMAN]

At the risk of repeating Mark...
That was a beautiful and moving Tribute.

When the love jumps-off the page like that, it becomes so much more than words. Certainly, more than words can say.

I lost my "Grace", a couple years ago. And my heart aches for you.

with deepest sincerity,
Stephen L.

[discokicks]

thank you Stephen...and sorry that you too have felt this loss...the emptiness scares me

[Chap2Power]

thank you Stephen...and sorry that you too have felt this loss...the emptiness scares me

A wonderful note...thank you for reminding us how precious friendship really is, DK..

Vince

[discokicks]

Thanks Vince....I am realizing that it is not only the person herself that is gone but with her went the one person who knew me inside and out. With her, went a part of my history...a very important part that no one else knows except myself. Music plays a huge role in this...that bond of the love for musical creativity doesn't come easy as we all have learned from sharing our thoughts and memories on this website.

[STEPHEN L FREEMAN]

Over the last couple decades I've learned, as a Gay Man, to be gentle with myself, when it comes to the loss of loved ones. Most obviously, because I had no choice in the matter. But also, because that pain never lessens. It may not last so very long anymore, before acceptance kicks-in. But it never lessens.

Every time I have to face it, the same words come into my head. And they help me, every time...

From "Torch Song Trilogy":

I miss him.
Give yourself time, Arnold.
It gets better.
But, Arnold, it never goes away.
You can work longer hours, adopt a son, fight with me, whatever...
It'll still be there.
It becomes a part of you, like learning to wear a ring or eyeglasses.
You get used to it, and that's good.
It's good because it makes sure you don't forget.
You don't want to forget him, do you?
No.
So...
It's good.

[discokicks]

It becomes a part of you, like learning to wear a ring or eyeglasses.

So true...and is the reason why we must continue to live, learn and love....it adds to the personality and gives us that individualistic sparkle in a crowded world.

[remicks]

*****

There are those certain people that come into our lives along the way and become a part of it that make all the difference in the world .

You have my sympathies for your loss discokicks


your friend,

remicks



******

[needlefingers]

Very open of you discokicks and I am glad you had the community to turn to.

Sorry for the loss of a soulmate.

Needlefingers.

[discokicks]

Thanks remicks and Needlefingers...I can tell that you both understand the extent of a loss such as this.

Thanks to everyone for the condolences...it comforts.

[djscream67]

My deepest sympathies go out to you discokicks. Lord knows I've lost many close friends over the years, in fact, I lost someone recently the day before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately it was from hard drugs.

Please accept my condolenses and may the Lord bless you & yours.